I am not an amazing person. I am normal. I get mad. I get sad. I get heartbroken.
I am blessed to be in the position to follow my calling. I truly do believe God has called me to foster. I am quite often pissed off about it and want an easier calling. This crap is hard! And yes, sometimes it's literally crap....smeared on my wall.
This is a job! It is really hard work. It is 24/7 hard work. There is no time off, just tell the 3 y/o bonus boy who came to my room at 2 am screaming at the top of his lungs because he had a nightmare and is convinced monsters are going to get him. I have no clue what the little guy has seen or been through that triggers this, I can only hug him, let him know it's all ok and he is safe as I try to get him back to bed before he wakes up any of the other kids, one of whom is his 18 month old brother.
I do not work outside of the home. I do not make money from foster care. God has led us down this path, literally directing our lives for several years until we found ourselves here. Hubba has a good job, it supports us. We have what we need a little bit of what we want, and we manage. I get super offended when people say foster parents are "in it for the money", seriously, WHAT MONEY!?! I need to meet these people cause I'm apparently doing it all wrong. I think trying to do something that is 24/7 hard work for money would be pretty silly! I can tell you I get at least $2/hr less than any babysitter I've known (and that's a super cheap babysitter) and I have never had a sitter buy my kids clothes/diapers/toys/food for every meal/pay for dance/etc.
I don't get why there is a negative feeling of foster parents, and I do have to say that I personally have never had anyone be negative to me...well besides the looks I get when I go to the store with 6 kids in tow! Of course that's because they think I'm crazy not because they know I'm a bonus mom!
I have never meet a foster parent that does not have good intentions. I know they exist, but I believe they are rare. But tell me, is there anyone with a bad attitude at your job? Why are they working there? Is it for the money? Does that mean that job should not exist? Should you be judged because of how that person feels about their job?
I emailed myself a rant the other day. I think that's better than putting the negativity out to the person who offended me, when I know they did not have bad intentions. Luckily I have 2 email accounts so I can talk to myself like a crazy person and nobody knows. Well, except you, dang my over sharing! It goes back to the working mom/stay at home mom debate. Yes, I stay home. Yes, I work. You would never tell a home care giver that they do not have a job and that they don't work. So why are you ok telling me that? Because the kids I take care of is a 24 hour job? Kids do not go home at the end of the day. I do not get to just go somewhere on a whim. I can't even go an hour away with my kids for a weekend if it's out of state, it has to be pre-approved. I can't have just anyone watch my kids, they have to be on a list.
Ok, now I'm whining and ain't nobody got time for that. Yes I choose to do this, but you also choose to do whatever it is you do, that doesn't mean I won't listen to you complain if you're having a bad day. A bad day does not mean you are going to quit, maybe it means you need to vent. I put my heart and soul, my entire world into these kids, they are so much more than a job. They are little amazing people that I pray that I am impacting, that I am making a difference with.
I want to make a difference in this world. I want to be love, I want to show Gods love. I've had a lot of trauma in my life, I want to do something positive with that. Fostering is my positive. I have experienced what these kids have, I get it. I get the pain and sadness and confusion. I pray that God guides me in a way that can make a difference for his children. For the least of these.
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