Not even a second

Not even a second to myself all day.

If I have laundry to do, and I do, everyday, multiple loads, I have to carry a 20 month old down the stair while trying to keep my balance as I juggle the laundry basket in the other arm. When I make it to the bottom of the stairs all in one piece I have to attempt to stay that way as I step over/around all the construction stuff that hubs just has to (apparently) leave right at the bottom of the stairs.

If I need to go to the bathroom, and I do, everyday, multiple times. ;-) I have a 20 month old, a 4 year old and 2 dogs following me in. Goodness help me if I have to do something on the toilet that requires more than a second cause then the 20 month old wants up on my lap and will scream when I don't allow it.

Heaven forbid I might actually want a shower. Ya know, it's nice to the world if I actually get clean once in a while, don't wanna be the stinky mama after all. I am not able to shower quick enough cause I have someone opening the door...not the bathroom door, the shower door. So it's wash quick, grab the door, rinse grab the door. If I'm not quick enough, say I close my eyes to keep soap from getting in then I'm in trouble cause little man will just climb in the shower with me, clothed or not, depends on how he feels and how quick he wants to move.

I wake up in pain every day because I have kids kicking me, pushing me, waking me up all night long. I literally hurt, pretty much every day. If I kick them out none of us get sleep cause they just won't.

I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I want to run away. I feel an insane amount of guilt about it all.

I want to be a mom. I want to be a stay at home mom. I am doing what I've dreamed of for years. There are tons of women who envy my plight. I know I am blessed. I am thankful that God has put these blessings in my life. I am thankful I get to spend time with them. But I'm tired.

I want to sleep, I want to not hurt, I want to not be screamed at/climbed on/hit/etc. I want to not have migraines everyday. I want to not be angry every day. I want to not take for granted this time I have because I know it goes so fast. I know way to soon I'll be wishing for crazy days and someone to climb on my lap while I poop....ok maybe not that!

Lord please help me have patience with this life You have given me. Please help me to let go of the things that won't matter in the long run. Please let me be the mom my kids deserve, both bio and bonus. I need help in lots of areas Lord, areas I'm not willing to put out into the world but that You know too well. Show me the path I am to follow and let me always do Your will. In Jesus' name I pray this. Amen.