Anonymity

It is tough to blog right now because I have not hidden myself from the public. Normally that is not a bad thing, in fact i'm known to be quite outspoken, however lately it's tough.

There are a lot of situations going on that I would love to discuss and vent about and what not. If everybody close to me, and even those not, did not know about this blog then I freely would, that is not the case. It is not that things are bad (always), I just don't want feelings to get hurt and there to be real life misgivings when there is no tone or inflection to my internet words.

I have stopped linking my posts to my facebook account, but I never know who randomly might check this blog anyway. It kinda stinks that I have allowed my outlet to become compromised! Not that I suspected the scope of all I would need to get out. I have no one with me all day now other than B, who is 2, so the convo is limited!

What I will share is that my niece and nephew, the kids behind us getting our foster license, have returned to their mother. She had a new baby 2 days before they were returned, so she brought home P & M (after 16 months) and their baby sister (out of the hospital) on the same day. I'm actually good with it. I was exhausted dealing with them and all that goes along with kids who have been through so much. I'm also feeling good with where my sister is right now, which helps the being ok with them returning. They are doing ok, P has lots of anger and very little respect for his mother, so that's been tough for them. The fact that they are family and I still get to see them helps me feel ok with the situation.

So, with them gone, we had some decisions to make. I feel like I am supposed to do foster care, having been where I was a child I feel like I have a unique perspective and level of understanding to be able to offer children in the system. It is such a tough decision though, right now all my kids except B are in school all day, after having 8 kids most days all summer i'm kinda enjoying our quiet time. I want to stay in my little comfort zone, but God is trying to pull me out, despite my resistance he's pulling me forward and I have no choice but to obey, I want to obey. So we have opened up our license to general care, this is going to be an interesting experience, while we've done foster for over 2 years, it's been with family, that's a whole other dynamic.

Pray for us as we start this next adventure in life and see where God takes us.