From the ashes come a Phoenix

I have been burned, I have trusted, I have given until I could give no more. When I could give no more I was quickly turned on. It didn't have to go that way, I lost my temper due to reactions to my refusal to be used anymore, that was not ok of me. I hate losing my temper. It was a good outcome though. I am now rising from the ashes stronger than ever, intent to never EVER let someone else's needs come before mine and my families.

That's not to say I'm changing, I'm not, I will always be a helper, it's who God has created me to be. I just will no longer be a door mat. I will not longer allow people to use me until I'm broken, and then use me a little more until I snap completely. I will help people help themselves and when they are not able I will stop dragging them along at my emotional expense and start praying for them.

I have prayed, I have talked, I have cried so much that days later my eyes are still swollen and my tear ducts hurt terribly. I have been attacked by people who had no reason to attack and don't even see that they did anything wrong. That hurts, a lot, no matter how much I did, it wasn't enough, but i'm ok with that now.

I am blessed. I have a husband who when asked to choose between blood and his wife and kids, he chose us. He is willing to walk away from all that was, all he knew, all he came from to protect the kids and I, if only our sanity and emotions need saving. I have 4 amazing children who are a joy and inspiration every day, who give me reason to laugh and carry on. I have a church family that I have been able to confide in, who have prayed for me. We are back to our weekly community group, so we can grow our connections with genuine people who believe as we do, who want to work on faith and friendships and being who God calls us to be.

I am a Phoenix (nope, not the college) I have come from yet another devastating situation, I have been pushed, hurt, abused, broken, but, as always, I will survive. My life is easier now, my stress is less, I can breathe and focus on what God has called me to.

With that, we have opened up our Foster License (formally, just for family) and are awaiting a call to take a little one (or two) into our home to love and guide for as long as God decides to keep him/her/them with us.

I am excited about the prospects. I am sad about what was lost, but now that the tears have stopped flowing, the future is looking bright.