Disheartened

I am feeling very sad, disheartened and defeated today.

We had a hearing for my foster kids, as you know, they also happen to be my niece and nephew. That part was good for the kids, they put the kids needs first, which was great. They are still going with the goal of reunification, however they are going to take more time and give "mom" more time to get on her feet so she can adequately take care of the kids. They also want the kids to be in a better place emotionally to deal with all the changes coming. (their mother is having another baby this summer and already has a new man)

It's a mixed bag with my family. Since the kids have known that reunification was the goal we've been struggling with their behavior. They've been doing weekend visits for a little over a month and my nephews attitude and acting out has escalated dramatically. He's 11, he's been through the system before, so it's tough for him. I get that totally, but he's sure made it tough on the rest of us too.

When he got home from school on the day of the hearing he of course wanted to know how it went, his mother had him believing he would be back with her almost immediately after the hearing, he was irate to find out that was not the case. I am, of course, he released the fury on.

Everyone truly wants what's best for him and are trying to help him, he does not want it though. He's sees nothing wrong with the way he is and thinks everyone and everything is "stupid". He berated me to the point of me being in tears as he would not back off after me repeatedly telling him too, Hubs had to step in to finally get him to calm down. Normally I wouldn't cry, but I'm on day 3 of a stress induced migraine that my normal meds won't take away and as he was screaming I could feel the pain throbbing between my eyes.

The judge wants my nephew in weekly therapy, that's where the frustration and defeat comes in....First, P sees no reason to need counseling. Second, the counselor pretty much said this kid does not want to change, we all know what's going to happen based on the way he's going and the life he's going back to and everything we do is going to be undone as soon as he goes back. So basically P's a lost cause. That breaks my heart, thankfully I have a support system of people who listen to me vent and help me through all this, the therapist told me if I didn't have that support he would recommend me to his weekly group session so I could vent out and deal with all the stress of having to have this "high maintenance child" in my home full time.

What makes me the most sad is that while I know God works miracles, I can see things going the way the therapist said. My nephew did not get taken from his home because of his actions, he sees no reason to change the way he acts in order to go back to the home. The most important opinion is that of his mother and he feels she is ok with all he does and the way he acts, he could care less what everyone else in his life thinks.

I'm just going to keep praying and taking it day by day, putting out fires as needed. Thank you for being part of my support system.