Trust the good, accept the bad.

Trust the good, accept the bad. That's my current motto.

I like motto's, they give me focus.

I have some really good people in my life. People who accept me for who I am, crap even as I type this I let myself doubt. Not about these people, about myself.

"they only like you because they don't really know you"

"you suck, you hide what you truly are feeling"

"if the world knew what was really on the inside you'd be locked up woman"

Stupid internal dialogue! Isn't the bad so much easier to accept then the good is to trust.

I need a new motto! I don't want to accept the bad. I am not bad. I am messed up. I am emotional. I have sinned. I have made mistakes. I'm not bad. I don't want to accept that, I want to change that thinking.

"Trust the good, tell the bad to shut up." Hmmm still not sure....

My intention with this was not about myself being bad originally, dang mind needs to be quiet.

I mean I have to accept bad situations, the ones I have no control over. Like the stuff that happened in the past. I have grace (thank You Lord) and so do all those in my life, if God can grant it graciously and without judgement then I can at least give it a real go.

I have to forgive, cause it is literally eating my guts out. What a lovely picture! Now would be a good time to stop and draw a lovely little illustration to break up this mundane whining drone....but alas, I write not draw.

Back to the good people. I have friends left from that horrible place I once worked that sucked the life out of me, the ones that are left are my true friends, the ones that accepted all the crap I went through and the reactions to it all, and I certainly wasn't always the friend to them I should have been. I have my friends I grew up with, 2 girls that no matter how long it's been are still there for me, friends that are truly life long. We have an amazing church family, and then an extension of that our little community group. People that I have such a comfortablilty (yep I make up words!) with, who in light of hearing about Hubs and I's (and make grammatical errors....right?!) issues wants to give us a kid free night, seriously, take all 6! I have my sister in law who after lots of issues has now become one of my best friends, the person I think to text when I'm stressed, heck I got linked by ink to the girl!

I was surrounded by fake, back stabbing people my entire life, literally. I was taught that no one outside your house is to be trusted and shown that no one inside your house can be trusted either.

That mindset is what I carried with me into adult hood. Get close to no one and they can't hurt you.....then I met someone and got close. Yep, got hurt. I've had a horrible time trying to let my guard down since then. I haven't been able to with Scott, I feel terrible about it, 5 years of marriage and I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. That is where acceptance comes in.

People do bad things. People hurt people. It happens. People can heal. Not everyone you meet has an agenda. Not everyone wants to hurt you. Some people love you just because they love you, because they see in you what you can't see yourself. I need to trust those people, cause I'm having a hard time seeing anything lovable at the moment.