I do not have to wake up to an alarm today....yet here it is before the butt crack of dawn and I'm wide awake! NOT COOL!!
B does not sleep all night....the little guy is 15 months old (today! Yay!) and I can count on one hand the number of times he's slept all night. It's not a huge surprise, my oldest 2 never liked sleep either, they were 2 and 2 1/2 before sleeping through.... Only my sassy trouble making 3 year old terror C likes to sleep like her mama! From 6 wks old on she's been golden with sleeping! I knew it wouldn't happen again.....
And so here I am.
A few guys from our church are coming over today to help Hubs with the basement, HUGE blessing! The kids and I are wanting to spread out so bad it's crazy! Standard 3 bedroom ranch house with 6 kids, 2 adults and 2 big dogs just isn't working!!
I go through phases, sometimes I can handle the clutter and chaos and sometimes not so much. Take yesterday for example......we had lots of people replacing part of our roof (storm damage from July), I couldn't get through the dining room cause it currently houses all my nephews things, one dog is barking incessantly at the guys outside the other is cowering and shaking and trying to climb all 100lbs of himself on my lap, the baby is sick and wants held, no school for my niece, so she and C got to be nutso together all day, even more laundry than usual from yet another middle of the night puking session from B.......and on and on.....and I reached my breaking point.
But ya know what? It was ok. I stayed calm on the outside, inside I was freaking out a bit.....but nothing like normal. I attribute that to God, and people praying for us and medication (haha).
I'm cautiously optimistic that things are becoming clear again....that I can start to feel the blessings God has given me instead of just seeing them through a fog of depression and emotions. I'm too fearful to have too much hope, that's when I seem to slam back down.....but I'm trying my best to put my trust in the right place and lean not on my own understanding and believe His promises. Everything is gonna be ok.......
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