Another sleepless night....I just can't sleep anymore and when I do fall asleep I can't stay sleeping! Tomorrow marks a week since I've been laid off, today I got my last paycheck.....if I'm able to stay a SAHM that would be the last paycheck EVER!!! Stressed?!?! Who me??? Um, yep!
I haven't had Mt. Dew since Sunday...that's 5 days! Yay me, except that is my stress reducer! But it's also tons of empty calories and lord knows I don't need those (that's another post for another time) I switched to pepsi, using that as my methadone on my way to pop free. So it's not caffeine overload keeping me up.
So here I am, full of stress and anxiety barely able to breathe while the rest of the house is sound asleep. Oh did I mention I got screamed at by just about all the kids about bed time, in fact P (foster nephew) has screamed at me EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. all week.......yep questioning whether I can do this or not. Am I the best thing for these kids, is having the extra kids a good thing for my own kids? I don't just have any foster kids, I have my niece and nephew, how could I tell family that it was too hard? What is right and what is easy are very rarely the same thing. What I'm doing is right, but I need God's strength cause it ain't easy.
I did do some "for me" things today. I went and got my nails done, love doing it but could never have it at work (though it is making typing tougher!). I went out to lunch with some former work girls, that was nice. I also bought a few new clothes the other day so I can maybe look a bit more put together (I hate hate hate buying clothes....see no need for empty calories above...) I also cut my hair...did that myself, but it turned out great if I do say so myself.
Ok well no sense in boring you with my can't sleep boredom......over and out...
I totally get the stress thing, hubby went back to work but we are still not getting any more checks until the 23rd, we are just trying to figure out how to keep everything on until then.
ReplyDeleteKathy H.