Church, God, community and crazy kids

We have been going to this super awesome church for  a while. Ok actually on and off since they opened. I went in my previous life (2 kids and a different marriage ago) We loved it since day one, but I just wasn't at the right point in my life. Then craziness happened with the ex and I felt uncomfortable going there after my divorce.

I guess I was remembering previous judgemental churches I had went to. I knew this place was different, but still.

Fast forward to life 2.0. Scott and I wanted to get into church again, I wanted my kids to have that for sure. I don't want my kids to ever have the questions about God that I struggled with. I sucked up my embarrassment and went back to Freshwater, as the only church I've ever been comfortable at, I just didn't want to go anywhere else.

There was an awkward moment when the pastor realized I looked familiar and then remembered why! I made it through that and it's all good!

I've worked in the kids community at church for a few years, I did take some time off when I was pregnant for B, but still, I feel like I hardly know anyone there! Granted I know a lot of the kids names, but not the parents! Now that I am a SAHM (<---- still love getting to say that) and I have more time, I want to connect more with the people of Freshwater......that brings me to community.

We joined a community group, it's just a small group of people who get together to discuss Sundays service as well as build friendships. It's tough to find time, even with the SAHM status, we are crazy busy with all the kids, but we feel like we're missing a piece of church life and it's important we find it. So we're fitting it in! Tonight was the first group, it went well, all the people were so nice and welcoming, however.....we have loud crazy kids!

Anywhere we go it is a production! We have 4 + 2 kids, they are not shy quiet kids either. Ok A is pretty quiet, but C is one of those in your face "hi what's your name" kinda kids, and M is a "I'm hungry, I'm thirsty" even though I just ate and drank kinda kid. I kinda felt sorry for our group. Some of them had kids, but not as old as ours and way more quiet! I enjoyed it and feel it is important for spiritual growth and I really want to be part of the group, I just don't want to be a burden to them. Mind you they were totally nice and didn't make me feel like we were overwhelming for everyone. It's just a "me thing" I am so afraid of being too much for people. I've always felt like that, it's why I've always had a hard time asking for help even when I desperately needed it.

Dang childhood issues! Issues be danged I'm gonna keep trying to grow my relationship with God and with people. I want to learn to trust, I want to believe people are who they say they are. I spent my childhood being betrayed and told not to rely on people, it's made me a miserable adult. I'm over misery.....