And again...

2nd week of community group. I cried, Abby screamed bloody murder and Carys knocked the screen door out......um yeah. Hello people thanks for having us!


Overall I think it went well. I cry. I cry a lot, so that was really nothing for me. I wasn't always a big cry baby, but the last few years I'm a ball of hormones and cry All. The. Time. Maybe it was having kids. That changes perspective on everything, but then I wasn't like that when the older girls were babies.


Nope, I think it's the hubba's fault, but in a good way. With him I can be vulnerable, I do not have to always be the strong one. He will take care of me, while I still struggle with trusting in that, he has shown me time and time again that with him I can be me. Whatever me that happens to be at the time. With him I can break down, I can fall apart, he loves me just the same.


So yeah, marrying an awesome loving always there man has turned me into a cry baby. So now I cry in front of people I barely know and tell them my life issues!


My life issues are kinda stressing right now.....life as a foster aunt is difficult. P has such anger and takes it out on me. I know he loves me, he even shot a paper airplane at me with "I love you Aunt Steph" written on it once. It's not his fault life has dealt him crap and I totally get it, cause I had a crap childhood, but nobody saved me. I'm not saying I'm saving him, but I really hoping I'm making a difference. I'm getting discouraged, I'm sure he's going to go back to the crappy situation and while I'm praying things will be different in his home this time, I don't have much confidence in that. I feel like I'm doing all this, being treated horribly at times, my own kids being miserable, and for what?



I know for what though, because they are worth it. Because I love them. Because I wish someone would have made their life difficult to show they cared about me. Because I can. Mostly because God is putting it on my heart, this is my path. I want to fight the path, it's too hard. So I break down, to new friends while Abby is screaming and Carys is tearing their house apart!


Doing what's right isn't always what's easy. Nor is having my clan invade your house......