Yesterday's post sucked!

Yesterday's post sucked for real! I seriously didn't want anyone reading it....still don't. So if you didn't then resist the train wreck that is my internal world and look for happy posts! Today probably isn't gonna be great either.....but it is Meal Plan Monday, so just read that post please!

I am not all misery by the way. I understand i've been very blessed. I'm so thankful for the friends who sent me messages to let me know I was not alone. I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Do I magically feel all better, has God cured me? Nope, but how cool would that be?!?!

This healing is a process. Following God is a process. I am a sinner and frankly, sin is pretty darn easy. A million times easier than doing the right and moral thing usually.

Here is my issue. Funny that the chapter (5) I read today from A Confident Heart by Renee Swope for my online bible study totally applied to my post. Ok not so funny, obviously God is putting it there at the right time. Wanna know how messed up my thinking is?!?! I am questioning whether it is God or coincidence putting this chapter where I need it to be in my life. I mean who am I to God? Even as I was talking to the Lord today while driving by myself I was thinking (and even said out loud a few times) who do I even think I'm talking to. With all that is going on in the world why would God listen to my petty issues? Waaaa I don't feel adequate! Suck it up butter cup! Ummm yeah, too bad that doesn't work.

Ok back to my issue.......basically it's stinkin' thinkin'. Renee writes about what the Bible explains when we become self-focused, Paul says "the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace" (Romans 8:6) She goes on to say when we follow our instincts to preserve and promote ourselves we eventually end up in a place of darkness and doubt. Bingo!! Even when we achieve success (even when I convince others I'm ok) eventually it won't be enough (if they think i'm ok I can be for a while....but fall again).

I think this goes back to one of my favorite verses. Philippians 4:8 "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable, and worthy of praise."

Lord I am having a hard time keeping my mind out of my internal struggles and in your word. Please help me focus on You and Your promises and all that is good in my life. Please allow me to see the good in others as well as myself. I need your help Lord to give me confidence so I can feel worthy of You and all You've blessed me with. Guide me on the path that You will have me travel and when times are dark help me turn my face to the light. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

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